A Biblical Model for Conflict

By Rebecca Murphy |

I bet you’re wondering if I meant “A Biblical Model for Conflict Resolution”.  Nope, I didn’t.  While conflict resolution is a vastly needed skill in leaders today, the success of resolving conflict only happens when we first recognize what conflict is, why it’s important, and when it needs to be resolved.

So what is conflict?  The Bible tells us:

What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? (James 4:1)

I like to define conflict as the clashing of personal agendas.  Whether that agenda is not to be hurt, to have a personal preference occur, or even to get something done, at the heart of most conflict is the disagreement between the agendas of two people (or sets of people).

Think back to your past conflicts with people.  You can probably pinpoint what you wanted and how it differed from what they wanted or did.  Your agendas clashed.

The Bible is ripe with conflict.  In fact, the very first conflict between men shows us what conflict is: Cain wanted his sacrificed accepted and took it out on Abel.  Abel just wanted to get on with serving God.  Clashing agendas.

However, that’s not to say all conflict is bad.  This is important to understand.  Some conflict is good.  But why?  Because it’s needed for the growth of both parties.  Hence, conflict may be required for people to grow.

In Galatian 2, we learn of a conflict between Peter (aka Cephas) and Paul.  Peter was a disciple who knew Jesus personally.  Paul was chosen by Jesus to spread Jesus’ teachings and had been accepted as an apostle by the disciples.  The argument centered on whether all men had to be circumcised in order to be a follower of Christ.

I won’t go into the historical significance of this, but the bottom line is that it represented a fundamental difference of opinion as to whether a man had to do an act other than giving his life to Christ in order to receive salvation.  Imagine the clash of agendas!

Yet, in this case, this conflict was needed.  It had to answer a question that would be at the core of this new found idea of salvation through Christ.  Without this conflict between two pillars in the Bible, Christianity as we know it today may have developed differently.  It was needed for the spiritual growth of Paul and Peter as well as to lay foundations for those who would follow Christ after them.

Knowing what conflict is and why it’s important brings us to the third question of why we need to resolve it.  This one may seem obvious, but let’s explore it anyway.

Proverbs 27:6 tells us: Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Conflict, if healthy, is done out of love to bring personal agendas in line with God’s will and brings about the spiritual growth of both parties.  In the verse above, we see that a compelling reason to resolve conflict with a friend is that they may see something in us that we don’t.  Perhaps it’s truly a blind spot to our growth.  In working through to a resolution, we may find they were right.

The other and perhaps more compelling reason to resolve conflict, even the healthy stuff, is because Jesus told us to.  In Matthew 5, Jesus says:

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24)

Remember conflict in and of itself is not bad.  It points to clashing agendas and perhaps some needed growth in the parties involved.   What is bad is unresolved festering conflict.  This is why resolving conflict is a Biblical command.  It is not simply because peace is better, but also because it can be used for positive growth bringing people closer to Jesus.  And in the end, being closer to Jesus is what we all need.

Rebecca is a member of Manchester Christian Church and has served in a variety of leadership roles. She is a certified career coach helping professionals achieve their next level of leadership skills.
(c) 2014 Rebecca Murphy

A Different Look at Leadership

Leadership is one of those words everyone thinks they know the definition of, but when they try to actually say the definition, they get all tongue tied.  Like trying to define love, defining leadership can start off with a simple thought, but cannot be easily defined.

It might be helpful to take a different look at leadership to help us better define what it actually is.  Maybe a good starting point is to look at how great leaders defined leadership:

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader.” – John Quincy Adams

“A leader is best when people barely know he exists.  When his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.” – Lao Tzu

“In periods where there is no leadership, society stands still.  Progress occurs when courageous, skillful leaders seize the opportunity to change things for the better.” – Harry S. Truman

From here, we can glean a working definition of leadership as the process of inspiring and empowering others in a way that drives change. Yet we also know that this working definition lacks the reason to lead in the first place: Jesus.

Christian leadership has the component of Christ.  And Jesus Himself was pretty clear on what a Christian leader looks like.  It looks like Him:

“I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.  Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.  Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” – Jesus (found in John 13:15-17)

In other words, to be a leader in Christ, you have to do what Jesus did.  You have to serve.  Servant leadership is the very thing that defines a leader in Christ.  We serve because He served.  We do not think so highly of ourselves that we are unwilling to do what He did.

Servant leadership is traditional leadership turned on its head.  Many think of leadership from the “top down”, but servant leadership is from the “bottom up”.  It is inspiring others to serve by serving.  It is empowering others to emulate Jesus by emulating Jesus.  It is driving outward change by showing the changes Jesus is doing inside of us.

You may be thinking, “That’s great, but what should I do?”  The practical application of this concept looks like this:

•    Be willing and ready to do any job of those you lead.  In fact, a great step is to do it alongside of them.  Understand their role, challenges, and successes.
•    Be Christ-like.  (Oh, this is so much harder than it seems!)  Show love and compassion always.  Don’t let ouchy emotions fester.  Lead in an authentic, open, and honest way.
•    Be willing to tip tradition upside down.  Jesus was truly unorthodox in His day.  With gentleness and respect, be willing to question everything.

When we get down to it, a different look at leadership gets us looking in the right direction: Jesus.  Be like Him and do what He did.

Rebecca Murphy is a member of Manchester Christian Church and has served in a variety of leadership roles. She is a certified career coach helping professionals achieve their next level of leadership skills.  (c) 2014 Rebecca Murphy

Leadership and the Bible

The Bible is not a leadership textbook. Its overarching message and its primary purpose is to communicate to fallen humanity the unfolding redemptive love of a Creator who would willingly address the sin of rebellious creatures to restore eternal fellowship. This is not to say that we do not see leaders or learn deep leadership principles within the pages of the Bible. It is only to point out that these insights and lessons about leadership are side benefits, if you will, to the primary story of the grand redemption rescue that God is executing. But leaders do have their role in that story too.

One of the first things that should be noticed when you encounter the key figures in the Biblical narrative is how unvarnished and real they are. From the first human family through to the history of the New Testament church, the main characters are presented not as some air-brushed versions of 'larger than life' heroes. People that God uses meaningfully in the Bible -- whether they be kings, prophets, or disciples of Jesus -- are not show as cleaned up examples of humanity without faults or sins. The leaders that we meet in the Bible have in turn resisted God's call, lied, been disloyal, betrayed friends, cheated family members, committed adultery, and murdered others. They never come across as some kind of separate class of people (like the heroes in other ancient narratives often do) . They are just like us.

There is a second aspect of leadership in the pages of the Bible that soon becomes obvious. God does not measure leaders the way human society does. Writing near the end of the Bible, Peter expresses this difference in his counsel to church leaders when he says, "Do not be like {an authoritarian} ruler over people you are responsible for, but be good examples to them." [1 Pet 5:3 NCV] He was probably recalling Jesus words when he said [in Lk 22:25] "The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who have authority over them are called ‘Benefactors.’ But it is not this way with you..." Peter then goes on to quote Proverbs 3:34 and point out that God's 'mechanism for leadership' is built on humility and not pride.

It is interesting to note that some of these very Biblical truths are becoming more recognized today. Jim Collins, is one of the business world's most respected authors and speakers and his influential book Good To Great identifies humility as a primary quality in the very best leaders ("a Level 5 leader - an individual who blends extreme personal humility with intense professional will").

So while the Bible may not have been designed as a manual to educate leaders, it is nevertheless a rich source of relevant leadership principles. The MCC leadership development program will turn time and time again to these truths and the examples of leaders in the Bible for shaping our thinking and growing in our capacity to lead as God would have us to lead.

Lee Beachy is a long time member of Manchester Christian Church and has served in a variety of leadership roles including treasurer, elder and part time staff member. He is currently a member of the Strategic Leadership Team and the Leadership Development Team.