A Biblical Model for Conflict

By Rebecca Murphy |

I bet you’re wondering if I meant “A Biblical Model for Conflict Resolution”.  Nope, I didn’t.  While conflict resolution is a vastly needed skill in leaders today, the success of resolving conflict only happens when we first recognize what conflict is, why it’s important, and when it needs to be resolved.

So what is conflict?  The Bible tells us:

What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? (James 4:1)

I like to define conflict as the clashing of personal agendas.  Whether that agenda is not to be hurt, to have a personal preference occur, or even to get something done, at the heart of most conflict is the disagreement between the agendas of two people (or sets of people).

Think back to your past conflicts with people.  You can probably pinpoint what you wanted and how it differed from what they wanted or did.  Your agendas clashed.

The Bible is ripe with conflict.  In fact, the very first conflict between men shows us what conflict is: Cain wanted his sacrificed accepted and took it out on Abel.  Abel just wanted to get on with serving God.  Clashing agendas.

However, that’s not to say all conflict is bad.  This is important to understand.  Some conflict is good.  But why?  Because it’s needed for the growth of both parties.  Hence, conflict may be required for people to grow.

In Galatian 2, we learn of a conflict between Peter (aka Cephas) and Paul.  Peter was a disciple who knew Jesus personally.  Paul was chosen by Jesus to spread Jesus’ teachings and had been accepted as an apostle by the disciples.  The argument centered on whether all men had to be circumcised in order to be a follower of Christ.

I won’t go into the historical significance of this, but the bottom line is that it represented a fundamental difference of opinion as to whether a man had to do an act other than giving his life to Christ in order to receive salvation.  Imagine the clash of agendas!

Yet, in this case, this conflict was needed.  It had to answer a question that would be at the core of this new found idea of salvation through Christ.  Without this conflict between two pillars in the Bible, Christianity as we know it today may have developed differently.  It was needed for the spiritual growth of Paul and Peter as well as to lay foundations for those who would follow Christ after them.

Knowing what conflict is and why it’s important brings us to the third question of why we need to resolve it.  This one may seem obvious, but let’s explore it anyway.

Proverbs 27:6 tells us: Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Conflict, if healthy, is done out of love to bring personal agendas in line with God’s will and brings about the spiritual growth of both parties.  In the verse above, we see that a compelling reason to resolve conflict with a friend is that they may see something in us that we don’t.  Perhaps it’s truly a blind spot to our growth.  In working through to a resolution, we may find they were right.

The other and perhaps more compelling reason to resolve conflict, even the healthy stuff, is because Jesus told us to.  In Matthew 5, Jesus says:

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24)

Remember conflict in and of itself is not bad.  It points to clashing agendas and perhaps some needed growth in the parties involved.   What is bad is unresolved festering conflict.  This is why resolving conflict is a Biblical command.  It is not simply because peace is better, but also because it can be used for positive growth bringing people closer to Jesus.  And in the end, being closer to Jesus is what we all need.

Rebecca is a member of Manchester Christian Church and has served in a variety of leadership roles. She is a certified career coach helping professionals achieve their next level of leadership skills.
(c) 2014 Rebecca Murphy

A Different Look at Leadership

Leadership is one of those words everyone thinks they know the definition of, but when they try to actually say the definition, they get all tongue tied.  Like trying to define love, defining leadership can start off with a simple thought, but cannot be easily defined.

It might be helpful to take a different look at leadership to help us better define what it actually is.  Maybe a good starting point is to look at how great leaders defined leadership:

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader.” – John Quincy Adams

“A leader is best when people barely know he exists.  When his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.” – Lao Tzu

“In periods where there is no leadership, society stands still.  Progress occurs when courageous, skillful leaders seize the opportunity to change things for the better.” – Harry S. Truman

From here, we can glean a working definition of leadership as the process of inspiring and empowering others in a way that drives change. Yet we also know that this working definition lacks the reason to lead in the first place: Jesus.

Christian leadership has the component of Christ.  And Jesus Himself was pretty clear on what a Christian leader looks like.  It looks like Him:

“I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.  Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.  Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” – Jesus (found in John 13:15-17)

In other words, to be a leader in Christ, you have to do what Jesus did.  You have to serve.  Servant leadership is the very thing that defines a leader in Christ.  We serve because He served.  We do not think so highly of ourselves that we are unwilling to do what He did.

Servant leadership is traditional leadership turned on its head.  Many think of leadership from the “top down”, but servant leadership is from the “bottom up”.  It is inspiring others to serve by serving.  It is empowering others to emulate Jesus by emulating Jesus.  It is driving outward change by showing the changes Jesus is doing inside of us.

You may be thinking, “That’s great, but what should I do?”  The practical application of this concept looks like this:

•    Be willing and ready to do any job of those you lead.  In fact, a great step is to do it alongside of them.  Understand their role, challenges, and successes.
•    Be Christ-like.  (Oh, this is so much harder than it seems!)  Show love and compassion always.  Don’t let ouchy emotions fester.  Lead in an authentic, open, and honest way.
•    Be willing to tip tradition upside down.  Jesus was truly unorthodox in His day.  With gentleness and respect, be willing to question everything.

When we get down to it, a different look at leadership gets us looking in the right direction: Jesus.  Be like Him and do what He did.

Rebecca Murphy is a member of Manchester Christian Church and has served in a variety of leadership roles. She is a certified career coach helping professionals achieve their next level of leadership skills.  (c) 2014 Rebecca Murphy

Leaders, Mentors, and Coaches, Oh My!

As a certified career coach, I frequently get asked what the difference is between a leader, mentor, and coach.  I think all three are equally important and useful in developing your own leadership skills.  However, each one of these roles serves a very different purpose.  So let’s look at each one a little deeper to understand what they are and why they are so vital in your development.

First, let’s look at a leader.  You have many leaders.  You have them at work: your immediate manager, your “chain of command” up to and including the head honcho at your company.  You have them at Manchester Christian Church: the staff person over the ministry in which you serve, the head pastors, and the elders.  And you likely have them in any official clubs you belong to.  These are what I like to call “assigned leaders”.  They’re the people appointed over you.  You didn’t necessarily pick them.

Then there are your chosen leaders. These are the people you look to because they inspire and empower you.  And in the Christian setting, they inspire you to grow closer to Jesus, trusting in Him even more.  And if you’re really lucky, your assigned leaders are the very same people you would have picked as your chosen leaders.

The funny thing about leaders is that they don’t ever have to have done what you are doing in order to inspire and empower you.  The inspirational leader gets you excited about the work you are doing by motivating you without having to enter into your world.  A wonderful Biblical example of a leader is Jesus.  He inspired countless followers without ever interacting with them personally before the Resurrection.

A leader is a Christ-follower who inspires and empowers others to drive positive change.

Some may confuse leaders with mentors.  Mentors are a bit different.  They are people from whom you are getting knowledge and wisdom through experience.  In other words, in order for someone to be a mentor for you, they have to have done what you are trying to learn. 

Additionally, you need to actually interact with the mentor where you do not with a leader.  Remember you can be inspired by leader that you never actually speak to.  However, with a mentor it is a requirement.  Mentoring is one on one teaching to impart some skill, knowledge, or know-how.

This relationship is designed to allow the mentor to share beyond just the steps and actions, but the thought process and motivations as well.  Mentoring allows the individual to learn a topic to a deeper level.  We can see this mentoring model in the Bible between Jesus and His disciples.  It’s especially noticeable with Peter.  Jesus was intentionally imparting knowledge upon Peter.

A mentor is a Christ-follower who shares wisdom, knowledge and experience with one person with the goal of instructing them.
By contrast, coaching is the act of objective observation by one person on another person.  Just like with mentoring, coaching has to have a personal relationship.  However, it’s like leading in that the coach never has to have done the role the person being coached does.  A coach is just as effective, if not more so, without having the knowledge or experience the person being coached does.

The real nature of coaching is to ask hard questions on motivations, intentions, thoughts, and then actions.  It’s designed to be a challenging relationship.  Coaches use wisdom and observational skills to point out things hindering a person’s growth.  Coaching is different from mentoring because it’s not teaching.  It’s different from leading because there has to be interaction between the two people. 

In fact, what sets apart a coach from a leader or mentor is the personal relationship with an objective viewpoint.  In other words, the less the coach knows the person the more effective they are.  Our best Biblical example of coaching is Jesus.  Every time He asked a question of those who followed Him causing them to seek the answer within themselves, He was coaching.

A coach is a Christ-follower who challenges a person because the coach can see the blind-spots that hinder the person’s growth that the person cannot see.
Leader, mentors, and coaches play an important role in your development.  A leader inspires and motivates you.  A mentor teaches and guides you.  A coach challenges and supports you.  If you surround yourself with effective people in these roles, you give yourself a great shot a achieving your leadership goals.

Rebecca Murphy is a member of Manchester Christian Church and has served in a variety of leadership roles. She is a certified career coach helping professionals achieve their next level of leadership skills.  (c) 2014 Rebecca Murphy

God-Reflecting Teams are Like...

In our last blog we spoke of the perichoretic nature of God and of human teams being a reflection of the image of a Triune godhead. This blog will describe briefly what such teams actually would look like if they are based on that ultimate reality.

If our humanness itself bears the stamp of God, then (even with the reality of sin being acknowledged) the teams that we function in should also reflect the dynamics of the ‘team’ we see in the Bible. What would that kind of model team look like? Here are seven team descriptors that we will explore in turn.

Covenanting · Visionary · Culture-Creating
Collaborative · Trusting · Empowering · Learning

Covenanting: Implicit in the eternal, infinite love of the Father, Son and Spirit is a covenantal relationship. Even though we created beings do not exactly mirror this divine harmony, scripture does illustrate God’s desire to extend covenant and relationship to his children. Members of ministry teams covenant both to be in a relationship of God’s love and to agree on their mutual purposes and plans and the practicalities of seeing them fulfilled.

Visionary: Because God is sovereign and acts with intention, teams can be fueled by a mission that God has given them to embrace and to do. Teams (and their committed individuals) are the effective means of accomplishing God’s divine purpose and intent. They sense that their work has ultimate meaning and that they are engaged in something eternally significant and seek clarity about what each member’s role is in accomplishing that objective.

Culture-Creating: In a fallen world, we are called to establish and sustain the culture of the Kingdom (which is admittedly counter-cultural) in community with team members. We have ample evidence of the destructive and dysfunctional cultural norms replayed by media and every-day encounters in our neighborhoods. As culture-creators, teams are powerful influences that shape and drive values and narratives that facilitate a ‘Kingdom on earth’ culture.

Collaborative: In the nature of God we find what might be called ‘perfect collaboration.’ Collaboration should not be confused with uniformity — and the diversity of spiritual gifts given to the church reinforces this fact! A healthy, collaborative team recognizes the unique character of each member, renders each other’s weaknesses irrelevant, makes members flourish, and focuses on gifting and capabilities aligned toward the God-given calling of the team.

Trusting: It is God’s character to be utterly trustworthy. Broken trust destroys team unity and fellowship. There is no more powerful way to devastate a team than to betray another’s trust. Conversely, in a world that thrives on self-aggrandizement, betrayal and deceit, an ethos of committed trust maintained by a team is a redemptive source of healing and ministry to the church and the world.

Empowering: [Delegating] It is the very nature of God to pour out self, to extend grace, to give up life for us, that is, to be voluntarily emptied that we might be full. Similarly, the responsibility of a great team is to give away responsibility in order to empower others to learn, grow, and fulfill their potential before God. Empowering teams become highly effective by widely sharing their mission, power, and responsibility and creating broad involvement with minimal hierarchy.

Learning: In His omniscience, God has no need to learn. Teams consisting of finite members however are called to discover and experience the revealed presence and truth of God. Such teams experiment, take prudent risks, innovate, and attempt to apply their learning in practical ways that strengthen vision and advance Kingdom objectives.

Church teams that model themselves on the nature and character of the triune God will be god-honoring, thriving communities that are vivid examples of the healthy teamwork in a world that is often incapable of working together.

*This and the previous post have been largely based on concepts drawn from the book entitled Leading the Team-Based Church (Cladis, 1999).

Lee is a long time member of Manchester Christian Church and has served in a variety of leadership roles including treasurer, elder and part time staff member. He is currently a member of the Strategic Leadership Team and the Leadership Development Team.

Our Teams: A Reflection of the Godhead?

In a doctoral dissertation 15 years ago that was subsequently published as a book, George Cladis, a New England pastor, makes a bold statement. “I have come to a rock solid conviction that has revolutionized my ministry: if a church is to succeed in carrying out a healthy ministry and developing a good Christian community there must be stable and high-quality relationships among the members of the principal leadership team.”

Most leaders would agree with his statement and acknowledge the pragmatic need for healthy team dynamics in any organization or mission that is larger than just a few people. Teams are important and we need to attend to their effective working in the context of the church. But the insight that Dr. Cladis offers is that teams work not only on the foundation of an organization’s necessity but also because teamwork is an intrinsic part of the very imago dei (image of God) built into all of us as human beings.

How does the very nature of the Godhead (trinity) resolve into human teams? Theologian Shirley Guthrie writes, “The oneness of God is not the oneness of a distinct, self-contained individual; it is the unity of a community of persons who love each other and live together in harmony.” Cladis recalls the analogy of John of Damascus in the seventh century of the Trinity to certain imagery used in Greek theater. Perichoresis was the theatrical term used for a circular dance and in that sense the triune community of the Father, Son, and Spirit is a perichoretic reality that implies intimacy, equality, unity yet distinction, and love.

The true reality of God as Trinity is an excellent and insightful theological model for the establishment of meaningful, healthy ministry teams in the church of the twenty-first century. It also turns out that healthy, relational communities happen to be one of the most powerful longings of our ‘post-modern’ culture and are deeply attractive to the Ones for which we are praying! While much of the culture we live in is contradictory and our society may even embrace that which is sordid, we nevertheless can discern deep human longings that teams built on Biblical values can tap into. Look at the following list of post-modern characteristics and see if healthy teams do not resonate with our culture:

• The universe (creation) is viewed less as a machine and more as an organism.
• Structure and hierarchy are perceived with skepticism.
• Authority must be based upon trust rather than position.
• Real leaders are visionary instead of leading by dictate.
• Life and work are inter-twined and are spiritually rooted.
• Formal organizational structures are smaller but informal networks are bigger — even global.
• Innovation and creativity are rewarded.
• Work should follow gifts and passions and these should be collaboratively shared.
• Mainline denominations are seen as passé and a relic of an irrelevant past.

These nine statements were not true when MCC was founded in the early 1960s, but they certainly describe our world today. Many of these deep beliefs directly align with the team-based ministry model of our church. They offer essential opportunities for team participants to demonstrate the reality of the Gospel message to the world around us.

In our next blog we will take a look at several characteristics of healthy church teams that flow naturally out of the perichoretic nature of God and of the regenerated community that is the church.

*This post and the next will be largely based on concepts drawn from the book entitled Leading the Team-Based Church (Cladis, 1999).

Lee Beachy is a long time member of Manchester Christian Church and has served in a variety of leadership roles including treasurer, elder and part time staff member. He is currently a member of the Strategic Leadership Team and the Leadership Development Team.

Leadership and the Bible

The Bible is not a leadership textbook. Its overarching message and its primary purpose is to communicate to fallen humanity the unfolding redemptive love of a Creator who would willingly address the sin of rebellious creatures to restore eternal fellowship. This is not to say that we do not see leaders or learn deep leadership principles within the pages of the Bible. It is only to point out that these insights and lessons about leadership are side benefits, if you will, to the primary story of the grand redemption rescue that God is executing. But leaders do have their role in that story too.

One of the first things that should be noticed when you encounter the key figures in the Biblical narrative is how unvarnished and real they are. From the first human family through to the history of the New Testament church, the main characters are presented not as some air-brushed versions of 'larger than life' heroes. People that God uses meaningfully in the Bible -- whether they be kings, prophets, or disciples of Jesus -- are not show as cleaned up examples of humanity without faults or sins. The leaders that we meet in the Bible have in turn resisted God's call, lied, been disloyal, betrayed friends, cheated family members, committed adultery, and murdered others. They never come across as some kind of separate class of people (like the heroes in other ancient narratives often do) . They are just like us.

There is a second aspect of leadership in the pages of the Bible that soon becomes obvious. God does not measure leaders the way human society does. Writing near the end of the Bible, Peter expresses this difference in his counsel to church leaders when he says, "Do not be like {an authoritarian} ruler over people you are responsible for, but be good examples to them." [1 Pet 5:3 NCV] He was probably recalling Jesus words when he said [in Lk 22:25] "The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who have authority over them are called ‘Benefactors.’ But it is not this way with you..." Peter then goes on to quote Proverbs 3:34 and point out that God's 'mechanism for leadership' is built on humility and not pride.

It is interesting to note that some of these very Biblical truths are becoming more recognized today. Jim Collins, is one of the business world's most respected authors and speakers and his influential book Good To Great identifies humility as a primary quality in the very best leaders ("a Level 5 leader - an individual who blends extreme personal humility with intense professional will").

So while the Bible may not have been designed as a manual to educate leaders, it is nevertheless a rich source of relevant leadership principles. The MCC leadership development program will turn time and time again to these truths and the examples of leaders in the Bible for shaping our thinking and growing in our capacity to lead as God would have us to lead.

Lee Beachy is a long time member of Manchester Christian Church and has served in a variety of leadership roles including treasurer, elder and part time staff member. He is currently a member of the Strategic Leadership Team and the Leadership Development Team.

This 'Leadership Development' Thing

At a recent leadership community gathering, executive pastor, Eric Lee, revealed the church’s plan to initiate a program for leadership development. Although that news may have been overshadowed by the news concerning our plans for the Bedford campus, a commitment to the leaders serving the mission of Jesus here at MCC is still pretty big news.

Unbeknownst to most of us, a team of nine experienced MCC members have been on a year-long quest involving prayer, research, interviews with current MCC leaders, and still more discussion — all for the purpose of ‘Growing Godly Leaders’ as we respond to and prepare for the growth of the church as a whole. Many movements (be they of the Spirit or otherwise) flounder or fail when wise leaders are not found to play a vital role in leading others. There is a growing recognition that as we grow together and are used of Jesus to make bigger and bigger impacts on our community, we need more leaders and leaders with more capacity. That, in a nutshell, is the aim of the leadership development initiative.

The effort is just at the baby steps stage right now but there will be so much more to benefit from in the near future. The vision is to provide a flexible, learner-paced set of resources for leaders at every stage of discipleship and growth. There is also a clear realization that we learn best from each other as we prayerfully seek to faithfully serve as the Spirit has given us gifts.

In my home library this morning, I happened to pick up a small book that was given to me over 40 years ago as I approached my high school graduation. It was a book of motivation and encouragement titled I Dare You that was given to many thousands of graduating seniors over the decades, written by a successful businessman, and distributed by a foundation to those selected for ‘qualities of leadership.’ I am not completely sure what the faculty members saw in a young man to select me for this award (when, honestly, I might have preferred a monetary scholarship!) but one thing that struck me today is that whatever I thought leadership was four decades ago has most certainly changed and matured a great deal since!

That is the heart of Manchester Christian’s desire—helping, shaping, and maturing the leadership capacities of those disciples in the church who have been called and gifted to lead others in their faithful following of Jesus. No leader is ever satisfied with mediocrity or stagnation. Leaders are inevitably also learners. Beginning in 2014, MCC is making a conscious investment in the lives of those that God will use in the months and years to come to pray for and realize the ‘greater things’ that Jesus pointed his disciples toward.

Are you a leader? There are some first steps you can take: take the leadership assessment here on the website; identify your strengths and areas where you can grow your competencies; attend one of the personal development sessions we will be offering in May; begin learning as the team provides more leader resources month by month. We invite you to stay tuned for even more information and opportunities to grow — because greater things are still to be done!

Lee Beachy is a long time member of Manchester Christian Church and has served in a variety of leadership roles including treasurer, elder and part time staff member. He is currently a member of the Strategic Leadership Team and the Leadership Development Team.