By Rebecca Murphy |
I bet you’re wondering if I meant “A Biblical
Model for Conflict Resolution”. Nope, I
didn’t. While conflict resolution is a
vastly needed skill in leaders today, the success of resolving conflict only
happens when we first recognize what conflict is, why it’s important, and when
it needs to be resolved.
So what is conflict? The Bible tells us:
What
causes fights and quarrels among you?
Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? (James 4:1)
I like to define conflict as the clashing of
personal agendas. Whether that agenda is
not to be hurt, to have a personal preference occur, or even to get something
done, at the heart of most conflict is the disagreement between the agendas of
two people (or sets of people).
Think back to your past conflicts with
people. You can probably pinpoint what
you wanted and how it differed from what they wanted or did. Your agendas clashed.
The Bible is ripe with conflict. In fact, the very first conflict between men
shows us what conflict is: Cain wanted his sacrificed accepted and took it out
on Abel. Abel just wanted to get on with
serving God. Clashing agendas.
However, that’s not to say all conflict is
bad. This is important to
understand. Some conflict is good. But why?
Because it’s needed for the growth of both parties. Hence, conflict may be required for people to
grow.
In Galatian 2, we learn of a conflict between
Peter (aka Cephas) and Paul. Peter was a
disciple who knew Jesus personally. Paul
was chosen by Jesus to spread Jesus’ teachings and had been accepted as an
apostle by the disciples. The argument
centered on whether all men had to be circumcised in order to be a follower of
Christ.
I won’t go into the historical significance
of this, but the bottom line is that it represented a fundamental difference of
opinion as to whether a man had to do an act other than giving his life to
Christ in order to receive salvation. Imagine the clash of agendas!
Yet, in this case, this conflict was needed. It had to answer a question that would be at
the core of this new found idea of salvation through Christ. Without this conflict between two pillars in
the Bible, Christianity as we know it today may have developed differently. It was needed for the spiritual growth of
Paul and Peter as well as to lay foundations for those who would follow Christ
after them.
Knowing what conflict is and why it’s
important brings us to the third question of why we need to resolve it. This one may seem obvious, but let’s explore
it anyway.
Proverbs 27:6 tells us: Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Conflict, if healthy, is done out of love to
bring personal agendas in line with God’s will and brings about the spiritual
growth of both parties. In the verse
above, we see that a compelling reason to resolve conflict with a friend is
that they may see something in us that we don’t. Perhaps it’s truly a blind spot to our
growth. In working through to a
resolution, we may find they were right.
The other and perhaps more compelling reason
to resolve conflict, even the healthy stuff, is because Jesus told us to. In Matthew 5, Jesus says:
“Therefore,
if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother
or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the
altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
(Matthew 5:23-24)
Remember conflict in and of itself is not
bad. It points to clashing agendas and
perhaps some needed growth in the parties involved. What is
bad is unresolved festering conflict.
This is why resolving conflict is a Biblical command. It is not simply because peace is better, but
also because it can be used for positive growth bringing people closer to
Jesus. And in the end, being closer to
Jesus is what we all need.
Rebecca is a member of Manchester Christian
Church and has served in a variety of leadership roles. She is a certified
career coach helping professionals achieve their next level of leadership
skills.
(c) 2014 Rebecca Murphy
(c) 2014 Rebecca Murphy
